Oh jeez. I am so behind on this whole blogging thing. Stuff I planned to do on a regular basis, I'm totally failing at. My monthly favorites and recommendations, I haven't done that since February. That was also the only time I ever did it. Making a new header each month, oops. I'm now nineteen days behind on that one too.

Is it procrastination? No, not really. More like forgetfulness, I suppose. So once again, I'm going to try and force myself to write daily, even if it's nothing more than a stupid rundown of what I did that day. *Yawn*

So what's new with me? Well, I'm still on my break before Summer semester starts at the beginning of June. I've also decided I'm going to get my MFA and teach art. (Did I already write about that before? I don't think I did.) That also means I am going to be in school forever. FOREEEEVVVERRRRRR. But that's okay. I've got more motivation and drive than ever now.

I've also recently accomplished a goal I set for myself a long time ago: learn how to fire a gun. I've been going to the range quite a bit lately, and now I'm just working on improving my accuracy. The .22's were crazy easy, so now I'm playing around with 9mm's, which are slightly more challenging and far more satisfying. Once I find my favorite, the next goal I've set for myself is to get my concealed weapons permit. 

So far the theme for this entry seems to be goals, so let's keep that going.

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Okay, here we go. Once again I am making an attemp to just write. I don't know if this will contribute in any way to me writing more often or not, but after a comment I ended up posting on a friend's facebook status, I figured writing should probably come pretty easily to me tonight.

I tried to register, but the register link just refreshes the page. Or something. I dunno. Wait...I was probably only dedicating about 4% of my attention to what was going on b/c I was on the phone, so let me check again. Okay, yeah. Both the login and register links load the index page. And I have no idea why I just typed all of that out when I could have just double checked and then cut the comment off after the first sentence. Probably because I had already typed, "Or something. I dunno. Wait...," etc. and didn't want to backspace. Then by the time I had realized I was typing a whole bunch of ridiculous crap, I had already typed a bunch more and fallen into the mode of stream of consciousness writing. So now I'm pretty much just typing what I'm thinking, and I'm so off topic, but I'm finding it hard to stop. Stop. Okay, done. I should just delete all this crap because now all of Q's friends are going to think I am a total nutjob. Makes me think of "blowjob." Fuck it. I've somehow managed to turn a simple facebook comment into something that has morphed into a

I had to just stop mid sentence and click the comment button or else I would have gone on forever. For me to not at least attempt and transfer that stream of consciousness off into a blog entry would be foolish. So, here we go.

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I can't ignore this blog anymore. It all started with me putting it off, mostly due to writers block and constantly feeling like I had nothing interesting to share, but then so much time passed that I just started to forget about it and quit caring. Now it has been nearly three months. I really do miss writing so much, but I guess the biggest change of all--what keeps me from writing--is how much of my life I now no longer feel comfortable sharing publicly. It's very hard going from telling anyone and everyone every detail without any care to suddenly feeling like so much has to be kept private. I don't like it. No sir, I don't like it one bit. Finding something else to write about is difficult, so I put it off. I can't do that anymore. Nope, I need to start sharing...and maybe I'll start tomorrow.

Yes, I am aware that it has been almost one month since I brought my blog back, and I haven't written anything. I've realized that writing just doesn't come naturally to me anymore, and something needs to be done about that. I need to just start writing every day about whatever comes to mind just to get in the habit again, so for a while my entries will probably be boring and weird. My stream of consciousness is never very coherent; I am without a doubt a rambler. Anyone that has ever spoken with me on the phone knows that fact all too well. To give you an idea of what I mean, here's a quote from a year old blog entry where I was trying to explain what it's like to be in my head.

Using the 'train of thought' analogy, it goes a little something like this: train A leaves station 12 at 4:21 p.m. heading South for station 97 at 45 mph; train B leaves station 33.333333 at 23:16 heading North for station Q at 1,000,000,000,000 mph, and train Your Mom's a Whore leaves station 666 at no real time at all heading West with a broken compass toward station 94.3 JAMZ going slower than a stoner figuring out this math problem. Somewhere in the middle they all crash. Still on board? Okay then.

Right now, this is just a declaration of my intentions. Will I actually start writing again? I guess we'll find out tomorrow.