I can't ignore this blog anymore. It all started with me putting it off, mostly due to writers block and constantly feeling like I had nothing interesting to share, but then so much time passed that I just started to forget about it and quit caring. Now it has been nearly three months. I really do miss writing so much, but I guess the biggest change of all--what keeps me from writing--is how much of my life I now no longer feel comfortable sharing publicly. It's very hard going from telling anyone and everyone every detail without any care to suddenly feeling like so much has to be kept private. I don't like it. No sir, I don't like it one bit. Finding something else to write about is difficult, so I put it off. I can't do that anymore. Nope, I need to start sharing...and maybe I'll start tomorrow.

Oops, I didn't write anything yesterday. I wasn't feeling very well, and honestly, it just slipped my mind. Thankfully today I am am feeling a bit better, though. I was really worried I was going to feel worse because I had things I wanted to take care of yesterday that I had to put off, and I didn't want to have to put them off again today. I'm feeling a bit lethargic this morning, but hopefully soon I'll be able to get going.

Once again I'm writing just to write, and I hate how forced it feels. What other choice do I have, though? I can't get past this block by not writing. That surely wouldn't work. How many times can I write about having writer's block, though? I don't know. Maybe I can't think of anything to write about right now because I just woke up. So far all I've done today is get up and make some coffee, and the only interesting thing about that is the fact that I completely forgot to put sugar in it, but it still tasted good. Also, I kept getting whiffs of something that smelled like lemons while sitting here at my desk, and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Just as I was starting to contemplate the possibility of a mini stroke, I realized the smell was coming from a very old air freshener across the room that I could have sworn lost its smell a month ago.

Wow, I really hope something interesting happens today.

Yes, I am aware that it has been almost one month since I brought my blog back, and I haven't written anything. I've realized that writing just doesn't come naturally to me anymore, and something needs to be done about that. I need to just start writing every day about whatever comes to mind just to get in the habit again, so for a while my entries will probably be boring and weird. My stream of consciousness is never very coherent; I am without a doubt a rambler. Anyone that has ever spoken with me on the phone knows that fact all too well. To give you an idea of what I mean, here's a quote from a year old blog entry where I was trying to explain what it's like to be in my head.

Using the 'train of thought' analogy, it goes a little something like this: train A leaves station 12 at 4:21 p.m. heading South for station 97 at 45 mph; train B leaves station 33.333333 at 23:16 heading North for station Q at 1,000,000,000,000 mph, and train Your Mom's a Whore leaves station 666 at no real time at all heading West with a broken compass toward station 94.3 JAMZ going slower than a stoner figuring out this math problem. Somewhere in the middle they all crash. Still on board? Okay then.

Right now, this is just a declaration of my intentions. Will I actually start writing again? I guess we'll find out tomorrow.