GPOYW (a day late) - That’s me celebrating my sixth birthday with a stupid bow in my crimped hair, but check out my awesome Jellies.
Yesterday I turned twenty-nine. It’s not a special age for celebrating, but it marked a significant change in my life and the start of a new chapter, the one where I start over.
My sixth birthday was similar. That picture wasn’t taken on my actual birthday because on June 22nd, 1988, my family moved from Wisconsin to Michigan. Yeah, I thought my parents were jerks too.
It was the first time we had ever moved, and the concept baffled me. I had spent my first few years of life assuming I’d always live in the same house and have the same friends, but I was being told everything was about to change.
The idea of starting over was terrifying, but it ended up not being as bad as I had expected. I got through it, made new friends quickly, and I remember my years in Michigan very fondly.
I still get a little anxious from time to time about what the future may hold, but I’ve embraced the idea of starting over. This is my time to make changes, and I am making plenty. If I want my life to be better, I can make it better, and I will make it better.
Here’s to finishing my twenties with my best year yet!
GPOYW - I took this about a week and a half ago, the day I signed the lease on my new apartment. Having my own place again that’s not an hour away from everyone I know and love has been great so far. I feel sane again! And, as of yesterday, I never have to go out to the “marital home” ever again, not even to mow the lawn or get the mail. That house is now my ex-husband’s burden. Even though I still have a lot of unpacking to do around here, so much lingering stress has been removed from my life, and for the first time in a long time, I’m like, “oh, so that’s what the light at the end of the tunnel looks like.”
Free at Last, Seriously?
Everything has been pretty crazy lately, but it’s all finally coming together.
Two weeks ago, I found a place to live in Mount Pleasant. Last week I started packing up my house in Summerville, finished up on Sunday, and on Monday morning I had my temporary divorce hearing. We quickly reached a settlement, and then yesterday was my celebratory day of doing nothing (however, I actually went to lunch with a friend and went to the beach for a while).
It’s been a total whirlwind, but so far everything has been working out in my favor. My ex surprisingly didn’t put up a fight at all. He agreed to everything in my proposal, so instead of the stressful divorce I was expecting, it was over and decided before I could soak it all in.
That really happened? Monday wasn’t a dream? You’re sure about that?
In the agreement we reached, I will have absolutely no reason to go back out to the house in Summerville ever. I get to walk away, and the house becomes his burden. I’ll be moving into my new place on Saturday, with the help of several friends, so after I unpack, I’ll have plenty of time to relax and settle into my new life.
In about two weeks, I will finally be free from everything that has been holding me down, and to be honest, I can’t believe this terrible chapter of my life is almost closed. I’ve been waiting for this for so long, and now that it’s here, it doesn’t feel real.
There’s so much more I want to write about right now, but I really don’t have the time. I still have a lot to do before I move and before the final divorce hearing. I’ve been trying to get things done all day long, but the hectic pace of the last week has finally caught up to me. After I go to dinner with a friend this evening, I will definitely be giving up for the day. That’s okay, though, because I deserve to enjoy my recent good fortune.
The Beginning of the End
I’ve been slacking with the writing lately. I’ve also been slacking with posting random videos, pictures and articles. I’ve even been slacking when it comes to taking pictures. I guess my only excuse is that everything feels very chaotic right now. In a few months, my life will be very different, and while I welcome all the changes, that doesn’t make the process any less stressful.
In preparation for everything coming my way, I’ve been doing my best to take better care of myself both physically and mentally: eating better, quit smoking, walking a few miles every day or two, even cut certain “toxic” people out of my life. I don’t want other people’s negativity bringing me down, and because stress tends to manifest itself physically for me, I need to be prepared.
I’ve been trying to fill my time with activities that benefit me, so that means a lot less time spent on the computer searching for the end of the Internet, which leaves me with a lot less to share. And, because it’s hard for me to write about what’s going on in my life without giving way more details than needed, I tend to not write at all as opposed to being vague.
I’ve been caught in limbo between my old life and my new one for far too long, and I’m more ready to finally start over. Bring it!
I was thinking; you just need to get on with your life and have a good time. The rest of it doesn’t matter.
My Father
Now that I’m no longer sick and sleep deprived, I’m back to thinking rationally, and the overwhelming sense of urgency to move from Summerville to Mount Pleasant has passed. Last week while I was feeling trapped and freaking out, my dad was in Italy, so the idea of moving before my divorce had only yet been discussed with my mom. Today I decided to get his opinion.
After explaining to him how I would cover the rent and bills for an apartment while still paying the mortgage and bills for my house in Summerville, I was surprised how supportive he was of the idea. The way he sees it, no matter what happens in the divorce, someone else will eventually be living in that house. It might be my ex, or it might be a total stranger. It definitely won’t be me, though, so if I can afford to move now and want to move now, what’s stopping me?
I would definitely be taking a risk, and the worst case scenario would put me in a very shitty position. However, the odds are in my favor, and I could easily bounce back if things didn’t work out the way I had hoped. Plus, with all the stress heading my way soon, it might benefit me to knock out the stress from my living situation ahead of time.
I left his office feeling far more reassured, so now it’s time to gather information and crunch some numbers. I’ve narrowed it down to two neighborhoods, and I really think it will all boil down to which one will allow me to stretch my savings the farthest. If everything works out, maybe I’ll actually be moving in the next few weeks.
Fucking Trapped
I feel like nothing in my life is completely stable right now, and it’s driving me crazy. There’s just so much up in the air, and I would do anything for the ability to just fast forward past all the upcoming bullshit.
Right now, I want nothing more than to move. I’m still crashing at my parents’ house after two months, and I dread the idea of going back out to my house in Summerville. It’s an hour away from everything in my life, so I feel trapped there.
I also don’t consider it a home. To me, that place is nothing more than a structure that houses my belongings and over a year of bad memories. I’ve tried being happy there, but it’s just too hard.
