This is definitely how I feel today, with the exception of a few trusted friends. Everything is just…blah.
Sunday night took absolutely everything out of me. Despite continual disrespect from someone I considered one of my closest friends, I foolishly trusted them. After expressing my feelings multiple times over the last month, their actions on Sunday put me over the edge, and the verbal argument turned into me punching them in the face several times before leaving.
They deserved what they got, and so far everyone who’s heard all the details has said the same exact thing: “I’m proud of you.”
I’m not proud of hitting them. It wasn’t right, but I’m not sorry either.
Monday morning I received a long string of apology text messages, but I had a very hard time believing they were sincere. They claimed they didn’t want there to be any bad blood between us, but if that’s the case, they are going to have to try a lot harder than sending me a few text messages and hoping I accept their bullshit apology.
I don’t want enemies, but I definitely don’t want “friends” like that either.
Both emotionally and physically drained, I’ve spent the last two days at home doing just about nothing. In some ways that’s a good thing because I’m trying to save money for moving, but I can’t move any time soon if I’m not taking care of other things.
I wanted so badly to be productive today, but this fucking rain is making me want to sleep. I definitely need a shower before I can be seen by the public, but I don’t even have the energy to do that.
So instead, here I sit. I’m tired and cranky, hating everyone and everything, and hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
My poor black car. My poor sinuses. My poor waning sanity.
Over the last few days, nature has blown its load all over Charleston. It’s so thick you can actually see it floating around in the air, and it is all over everything. As much as I talk about how excited I am for Spring, I tend to forget how much I fucking. hate. pollen.
I thought feeling under the weather lately was due to a few too many late nights over the last couple weeks and the inability to catch up on sleep, but today it finally hit me.
Allergy season.
If I can ever manage to drag myself out of the house today, I will definitely have to stop by the pharmacy. While coping with all the uncertainties in my life right now, I refuse to let Mother Nature’s annual biochemical warfare take me out.
Fucking Trapped
I feel like nothing in my life is completely stable right now, and it’s driving me crazy. There’s just so much up in the air, and I would do anything for the ability to just fast forward past all the upcoming bullshit.
Right now, I want nothing more than to move. I’m still crashing at my parents’ house after two months, and I dread the idea of going back out to my house in Summerville. It’s an hour away from everything in my life, so I feel trapped there.
I also don’t consider it a home. To me, that place is nothing more than a structure that houses my belongings and over a year of bad memories. I’ve tried being happy there, but it’s just too hard.
I’m not a big Bill Maher fan. I often tend to agree with him, but I usually just don’t find him very funny, which probably has to do with his delivery.
This video, however, I liked. I thought the pizza analogy was excellent, and though I’ve never seen Secret Millionaire before, I do believe that the major networks, mostly controlled by members of the wealthy elite, are trying to brain wash the general American public into believing we still live in a democracy where everyone can achieve the dream of being super rich and happy if they just work hard enough.
Unfortunately, though, we live in an oligarchy where that American dream is really only achieved if you’re born with a silver spoon in your mouth or are an unethical douche willing to take enormous risks at the expense of everyone else.
There will be a revolution. The optimist in me says so.
An Important Life Lesson
If you honestly think you can live your life by consistently making stupid decisions and never having to suffer any consequences, wake the fuck up. Excuses may help you get by for a while, but eventually all of those bad decisions will catch up to you.
Be honest, treat others as you wish to be treated, and if you make a mistake, apologize for your actions and accept the full consequences. Don’t try playing the victim when you’re one hundred percent responsible for your own misery.
Someone in my life is currently learning that lesson the hard way. Hopefully they won’t be in my life for very much longer.
Last night some friends of mine threw an anti-Valentine’s party. The theme was 80s school dance, and there were some pretty sweet outfits. I got the dress at Goodwill for six dollars, the glasses at Walmart for five dollars, and I borrowed shoes and jewelry from my mom.
It was fun, but I ended up leaving early because I wasn’t feeling well. Earlier in the evening, right before I started getting ready, I think I started running a fever. The feeling came in waves, and as the evening progressed, I only started feeling worse.
When I got home, I chugged NyQuil and ended up playing Tiny Wings, which I wrote about yesterday, for far too long. That game is really addictive, and the challenges definitely get harder as you progress. I’m pretty sure I played for an hour and a half before I realized how late it was. Even the effects of NyQuil couldn’t get me to stop playing.
I’m not sure if it was the late night, a bad dream, the taste of death and medicine in my mouth, or a combination of all three, but when I woke up this morning, I was feeling extremely cranky. To top it off, Twitter didn’t seem to want to work for me, so my primary outlet for bitchiness was cut off.
Rage.
Thankfully I didn’t put salt in my coffee (that’s happened before, twice), and I came across some funny things on Reddit that put a smile on my face. Now I’m just trying to figure out what to do with my day.
I’m supposed to go to a hockey game tonight, but if I decide to stay in, I already have someone lined up to take my ticket for me. No worries there. As much as I’d love to spend time with friends, I think it may be best for me to just relax today. Plus, it’s likely I’ll get a chance to Skype with my darling BFF Helen tonight.
Helen > Hockey.
I also have a little over nine hours (without commercials) of torrented television to catch up on.
Decisions.
Regardless of what I choose to do, I can only hope this crappy feeling, both physically and mentally, passes very soon. I’d like to enjoy my day, thank you very much.
Your Party Sucks
This pretty much sums up my greatest frustration with American politics. No one is an independent thinker anymore.
I just hate rabble rousing. An email from MoveOn.org about evil Republicans pulling funding for something the federal government doesn’t even really fund is just annoying. It is a lie simply to gain support. Republicans and Democrats are both blind when it concerns accusations of the other side. Obama is a Nazi - Bush is a Nazi bla bla. Both equally insane. Depending on your political side one becomes more plausible to you. They are both equally insane.
THERE IS NO PARTY OUT TO DO EVIL. Communism isn’t even evil. Our viewpoint of it is. North Korea’s viewpoint of the United States is that we are evil for being a Republic. Get it? Why Americans have to think one party is bad and then often blindly assume the other is good is beyond me. It isn’t a Rocky movie or Star Wars.
Today Can Suck It
On Wednesday I was ranting about someone not answering their phone when I needed, or rather, wanted a quick answer. I also mentioned that it had to do with me potentially switching schools. Well, I finally got my answer, but not because the people I needed to talk to answered their phones or called me back. I had to call a completely different department, and thankfully they knew.
Unfortunately, though, it turns out I will have to finish this semester, so I won’t be starting at the new school until June or July. That also means I have to take two tests on Monday.
Who the hell schedules the first test of the semester for the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday?!
Apparently, both my instructors.
Answer. Your. Phone.
I’m really irritated right now. I shouldn’t be, but I’m putting more importance on something than I should. Because of that, though, I am procrastinating. Instead of getting ready for class, I’m writing. But it wouldn’t be the first time I showed up to class looking like hell. At least I’m clean.
Currently, I am waiting for someone to return my call. If they don’t call today, it’s really not that big of a deal, but I was hoping I’d hear back before I had to leave for class. Mostly because depending on what I was told, I could possibly get out of going to class today.
It all has to do with switching schools. I won’t go into the reasoning right now because I definitely don’t have the time. However, I have two tests on Monday. That means today is a review in both of my classes. I really can’t skip. But if I were to find out I can switch schools now, then I wouldn’t have to finish out the semester, nor would I need to worry about the tests on Monday.
Unfortunately, I’ve had a near impossible time speaking to a live person in the past when drying to deal with the same office.
I guess for now I just have to assume I’ll be taking the tests on Monday, and if I waste my weekend studying, when it turns out I didn’t need to, I’ll be pissed. But, if I am going to have to finish this semester before switching, well, I can’t dick around.
You know those people that never answer their office phone and then rarely check their voicemails? Yeah, I hate them.
